Yesterday was a really interesting day for me. I woke up at 10, had no motivation to leave my bed, went back to sleep, and woke up at 1, again with no motivation to get up and moving.
I literally stayed in bed until almost 5:30, when I was essentially forced into getting up to eat dinner with my family. Eat! haha. Yeah, right. More like push food around and take a couple bites to appease the parental units. Then back to bed.
It was the strangest sensation, this bout. I haven't felt that way in years, not since losing my baby. But this was different. There was no rhyme or reason. I just wanted to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and maybe cry a little. It hurt to move, it was too much effort. And I had no idea why! Maybe because my boyfriend mentioned his friend's daughter's first birthday is coming up? Isaac would be almost 2 now, I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I can't imagine how different my life would be with him in it. Realistically, I probably would have stayed with his father, though now I realize that he was borderline abusive and that wouldn't have been healthy. Would I have ever started this relationship with Andrew? That's what I think about most. I hope so. I think he'd be a good father figure for my son.
But that's life. It obviously was meant to be this way, and I'm as happy as I possibly could be about it.
Hi I can also feel your sadness, and I couldn't say anything but to agree that maybe because it was meant to be like that, but don't give up life goes on. You will be able to find your new self very soon. Stay strong and healthy.
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