4/24/12

2 years and one month ago I had a miscarriage. I was barely 16 years old.
I was almost 12 weeks along. I was just about to tell my boyfriend and my parents. But I didn't. I didn't have to. Because the baby was gone.
I decided to say he was a boy. I named him Isaac. Isaac Byrne. Sometimes, I pretend he's here. He would be 19 months old today. Happy Birthday, Darling!
I love children, but its exceedingly difficult to be around them, especially little boys around my dear baby's age. Sometimes, I cry when I see happy families with a little one.
I will never forget my Isaac, although it gets a little easier everyday.
And that is why I am pro-life. Because I didn't get to choose to have my beautiful baby boy, and I can't believe that anyone would give up that opportunity. But of course, there are extenuating circumstances, and I would never push to outlaw abortions. I just don't understand how someone could use it basically as a form of birth control.
R.I.P. Isaac Byrne. Mommy loves you so very much!

4/11/12

Today, we were discussing the effectiveness of therapies in Advanced Placement Psychology. Someone mentioned that they felt like medications were a mask, and that its ridiculous that people would take them even though they can make things worse. Personally, I think that this is total bull. Of course, I respect their opinion, but I definitely dont agree with it. Side effects from medications are rarely severe enough to outweigh the benefit of living a healthy life style. For example, prior to starting my medication, I was unable to drive, go out in public for extended periods of time, or hang out with my friends. I rarely went to a whole day of school, for crying out loud! All because of my panic attacks. And personally, I would rather be dependent on a pill that makes it possible for me to be a normally functioning human being than not be able to live my life to the fullest because of a dehibilitating panic disorder.
ERASE THE STIGMA.

4/8/12

Well, today was an awful day. And its Easter. Even better.
First off, I switched off of Zoloft two weeks ago. I was on 75 mg of that, now I take 20 mg of Paxil everyday to try to control my anxiety. So far it seems to be helping, which is great! The Zoloft did what it was supposed to, but made my tics a hundred times worse, which the Paxil doesnt seem to be doing. We'll see how that works out.
Yesterday, my friend was over. He's been having a rough time with life lately and is usually quite distraught. Of course, as a good friend, I get stressed out when he's upset, which makes my tics worse! He always gets very concerned when my tics become more frequent than usual, but he accused me of faking them to keep him from being upset. I understand where he got that idea but it still REALLY hurt that he would say such a thing.
On the plus side:
Today, my boyfriend told me he has tourette's and an anxiety disorder! That's usually not a good thing, but I'm sick of guys who just don't get how difficult it is to control.